talk this way
by emilyhoogesteger

going home for the holidays?
Confuse your prying relatives so much they’ll stop asking you questions.
Politicians, press secretaries, and basically everyone else in the government is known for talking in circles and never giving a direct answer. Turns out that can be a pretty useful skill for the rest of us, too. Here’s your guide to implying everything, saying nothing, and avoiding broken promises by not actually making any in the first place.

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fuck the most interesting man in the world
by macsmith

i don’t know if you could tell by the title of this piece, but I am personally offended by the Most Interesting Man in the World and the product he endorses: Dos Equis. Although it is a brilliant advertising ploy, don’t be fooled. Dos Equis thinks you are a moron. Now if you disagree with me, hear me out. If you are unreasonable, stop reading here because you won’t like anything I have to say.

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the water tower totally rules!
by julietcritsimilios

the water tower is the best newsmagazine in the history of the world. We charm the pants off UVM students and faculty with quick wit and cleverness every week (alternatively, of course). The amazing publication that we are is appreciated greatly, but we just can’t seem to get enough people applauding our awesomeness.

Take Anthony, a student from Eastern Nazarene College. Anthony was starting a paper called the Veritas News and asked his friends for their school newspapers and magazines for inspiration. A fellow UVM student obviously recommended our lovely newsmagazine, accurately telling Anthony that the water tower “basically flew off the shelves, was really original, and a fun way to get the news around campus.” Her flattery got even better when she explained, “I personally love reading the water tower because it never fails to make me laugh ... somehow I always seem to be in a quiet area and end up looking like a fool for just cracking up while reading! I’ve transferred from two other universities and the wt is by far the funniest, most interesting, and original newspaper I’ve read.” Two other schools? Wow. That’s a lot of papers that are not as cool as we are.

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the venture brothers
what you should be watching
by henrykellogg

When the 4th season of the Venture Bros. started to air on October 12th, it was greeted with a great deal of anticipation. Like most shows on Adult Swim, Cartoon Network’s nighttime grownup cartoon segment, it has a small but loyal group of followers. The show was inspired by Johnny Quest, a cartoon about a boy adventurer that aired in the 1970’s, but uses the power of parody to create a snarky parody of cartoons in general. The show addresses the everyday life of Dr. Venture, a grown up boy adventurer, and his two sons, Hank and Dean. The show also depicts the life of the Monarch, a super villain with a penchant for monarch butterflies, and his obsession with “arching” Dr. Venture.

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