fuck the most interesting man in the world
by macsmith

i don’t know if you could tell by the title of this piece, but I am personally offended by the Most Interesting Man in the World and the product he endorses: Dos Equis. Although it is a brilliant advertising ploy, don’t be fooled. Dos Equis thinks you are a moron. Now if you disagree with me, hear me out. If you are unreasonable, stop reading here because you won’t like anything I have to say.

A popular strategy in advertising these days is getting someone who is socially respectable and universally sought after to model a product that otherwise can’t sell itself. Derek Jeter endorses crappy American-made cars, Ashton Kutcher endorses cameras intended for use by seven year olds, and Kanye West endorses himself. The basis is very simple: “If these super successful people like this product, it has to be cool. I’m going to go buy it right now.” And many people do. It costs a lot of money to get these cool people to endorse products because they are really cool and would rather be doing other things than endorsing really stupid products.

What Dos Equis has done is actually quite ingenious. They created a person who personifies the desired status that has taken many years for others to achieve. This way they can get the same desired advertising effect without shelling out all that money. How did they create this person? It’s actually a very simple formula. Grey beard+Iberian Accent (is he Spanish? I don’t know!!)+ridiculous outlandish statements=the Most Interesting Man in the World. He has no name, he is an intriguing enigma, and he wants you to drink Dos Equis.

Now, let’s get down to where Dos Equis really goes the extra mile to insult your intelligence. The claims they make about this man are entirely in irrevocably full of shit. It is impossible for your reputation to expand faster than the universe. A much more interesting man proved that. It is impossible for you to speak French in Russian. That’s just stupid and doesn’t even mean anything. It’s impossible to live vicariously through yourself. That’s called living. It is impossible to have an awkward moment on purpose. If it is intentional, it is inherently not awkward. Anyway, you get my point. But let’s dive deeper. Let’s suppose all of these things are true. All you need to do now is slap a tux and a beard on the guy and you get…Chuck Norris meets James Bond!

To make matters worse, the guy doesn’t even drink beer. His one line: “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do I prefer Dos Equis.” Not only is this man merely a cross between two already beloved figures (one drinks martinis, the other drinks the blood of terrorists), he doesn’t even drink beer. Why on earth would I want anyone who doesn’t drink beer telling me what beer he likes? That’s like the guy who doesn’t watch football telling you what team he’s rooting for in the Super Bowl. We all know he’s just watching for the commercials.

So the next time you are drinking a Dos Equis, drink it because it is a refreshingly smooth beer that tastes great with lime. Don’t expect beautiful foreign women to flock to you. Even if you are wearing a tux. And especially if you are wearing Axe. We’re all smarter than that…I hope.

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