Green Mountain Rowing

October 4, 2005, Dateline Milton, VT:
Forget floating logs and forget boat breakers. There's a new peril on the river. Cows. While rounding Sandy Turn on October 4, I was set upon by attack Holsteins. As is my wont, I made my leisurely way to the river, arriving around 10:00 AM for my mid-day row. There was enough of a breeze that a rower of my level of ability had to concentrate to keep the boat set and running on a course which, for me, passes for straight. I was proceeding downstream fairly close to to the bank, trying to shelter a little in the lee of Sandy Turn when, in my mirror - I know they're considered geeky but if you had run into the "no wake" buoys, snags and the river bank as often as I have you'd wear one too - I noticed cows coming down to the river to drink. They assembled on the beach at Sandy Turn and I thought no more about it, assuming they saw me approaching. Apparently, however, the wind covered the sound of my oars and one member of the herd - there's always one - never got the message until I was on them, about 5 feet off shore in about 2 1/2 - 3 feet of water (It was not my plan to be quite so close). Startled, the oblivious cow started to charge up the bank. The others, seeing one run, did what cows do best, they followed the herd. Still no problem. Then, in the course of their increasingly mad flight, one cow bounced off another. The bouncee wheeled and charged in the opposite direction, back into the river. All of a sudden there was 1,000 pounds of bovine panic beating the water around my shell into a froth while 180 pounds of bovine-like stupidity sat frozen at the oars. I would like to say I took brilliant, decisive, evasive action but the truth is I just sat there thinking, "Holy shit, the insurance company is never going to believe this." and then, as the reality of the situation began to sink in, "Holy shit, I'm going to die!" After what was probably 5 - 10 seconds, but seemed a hell of a lot longer, of performing the dance of death around my boat, Bossie's herd instinct again kicked in and she wheeled once more and followed her compatriots up the bank and off into the brush. How she missed I don't know but the killer cow never stepped on my boat. It has rained since then, the river has come up and wading cows will have a harder time getting far from the bank. Nevertheless, keep your eyes open on your way back to the dock because, accepted traffic patterns notwithstanding, I will be rowing downstream in the middle of the river and I will be watching out for cows so I won't see you coming.

Race	Year	Tim	Dave	Morris (MM2x)	Notes
Head of the Charles	2004.	Erik & Jarlath.	2 Men's Double.	http://www.hocr.org/indexspec.html.	.12:58.19
New Hampshire	2000 (3 miles)	23:22.12	.	.	21:18.13 Erik
New Hampshire	2001 (2.8 miles)	.	20:36.16	.	.
Mohawk	1999 (3 miles)	.	.	19:38 (2nd tie)	Clayman/Capobianco
Mohawk	2000 (3 miles)	21.47	23:30	20:13 (1st really)	Hit novice W8. Head wind out, tail back
Head of Hudson	2001 (2.5 miles)	19:26.96 3 on absolute time	19:10.01 3 on handicap	no event	Adj handicap. for short course
Green Mtn Head	1999 (3 miles)	22:58	.	21:50	vs Koven/Abdullah
Green Mtn Head	2000 (3 miles)	22:35	24:36.7	21:50.3	Erik: 21:02.3
Green Mtn Head	2001 (3 miles)	22:57.2	25:00.1	21:19.4 (3rd)	Slocum Crashed
Head of the Fish	1999 (2.5 miles)	17:05	17:56	15:14	MM2x 1st
Head of the Fish	2000 (2.5 miles)	16:38 quartering tailwind	17:31 quartering tailwind	16:09 strong crosswind	MM2x 2nd
Head of the Fish	2001 (2.5 miles)	19:27:00	Eye trouble	Tim & Jarlath 15:16	17:05 Jarlath Single