| Today
was one sexy day in the middle of an already erotic year for the Devman.
That really hot girl in the office? Well, she talked to me. I mean talked
to me. I was by the coffee machine, just hangin' and puttin' out the vibe,
when she sauntered by. I played it cool and produced a little extra vibing
action just for her. No one else was nearby. Good, I thought, a little
privacy.
"Do you know what time it is?" Her eyes looked deep into mine, searching for answers. "Sure do." I was playin' it cool. Playin' a little hard to get. Makin' her work for it. "Could you tell me?" She wasn't an actress, and I could see love seeping through her mask of annoyance. "12," I said, letting the suspense build. "30." Without thanking me, she turned away and walked fiestily down the hall. "Meow!" I pulled out my pocket mirror. Not a hair out of place, muscles in full view under a sleeveless shirt, and eyes like Leonardo. Stud factor: 10. So it wasn't a surprise that my day of love was far from over. Cupid had ammo left, and he'd traded in his bow for a sniper rifle. After half an hour I returned to my desk, took out some wet naps, and nursed my eyes. Some ladies become surprised when the Doctor of Love pays a cubicle call. Some are so surprised my eyes' lusty fire gets momentarily extinguished by a spray of mace. Luckily my high tolerance took care of the pain and allowed me to concentrate on my work, but my mind wandered and I thought back to those sassy femme fatales who had blinded me. Pity filled me. They must have had a bad experience with a man. My surprise visit had brought up some repressed memories as the women became delusional and had thought I was some mystery man named Hugh. They would look at me with rage, yell the mystery man s name, and let my eyes bear the brunt of their sins. But I forgive you my child, and I vow to find this "Hugh Again." But now Chuck, my boss, is talking to me, complaining I'm drifting off, or that my red mood lights are shorting out the office computer systems. But I'm not listening. 'Cause right now my train of thought is in the tunnel of love. I quickly say "You got it Chief," and walk off to the break room. |
No one was inside, and the plush carpet offered
my mind solace. I needed to help the women that had lashed out like small,
sad, sexy deer caught in a bear trap. I could not let those women go through
life fearing the careful touch of a man. Their love buds had failed to
bloom, and I must share with them some of the miracle grow that I'd been
so copiously blessed with. For they had problems with sex, and I had to
fight fire with fire. Perhaps I would wait by one of their cars during
lunch to offer my services.
But I didn't want to exclude the others; later tonight I'd call them. ft isn't often that such sexually repressed women get to hear the phone ring. When they pick up, I'll breathe in and out, so they know there's an actual breathing human being on the other line that cares for them. But I won't stay on long, just long enough to whet their appetites. Soon they'll be begging for the main course, one that only a professional saucier could deliver. Chuck smashed open the door that I'd locked to keep out disturbances. "I'm not done talking to you! We have some serious issues to discuss, Foxall. For one, I thought that I'd fired you a week ago, and on top of thai, I checked company records and I don't think we ever hired you in the first place.' Trouble was closing in, the climax was fast approaching. I had to act. I looked into Chuck's eyes and saw carnal canoes floating in his baby blues. I saw my opportunity. "Look Chuck. How would you like a little rendezvous with one of the ladies from accounting?" His forehead began to sweat and he asked if I could make it Cindy. I patted him on the back, told him he had nothing to worry about, and went back to my desk. He called down the hall, "I'll fix that little typo in the computer systems, Mr. Assistant Manager of Accounting." I took a seat at my desk. "Assistant Manager of Accounting" sounded like one sweet deal, but I decided to stay put. It would take days to tear down the purple velvet I'd pasted on the walls. Cubicle 114 was my love shack away from my other love shacks. It was only minutes later that one of the lovely female executives told me to see her extensively to discuss issues of incompetence. Yeah, I read ya. Perhaps I would set her up with Chuck, thus allowing me to volunteer extra time with Cindy. |
| I was basking in my facilitating skills
when a she-devil in pumps asked me for a pen. Her attempt to talk to me
was more obvious than my attempt to close the love bead curtain on the
cubicle and rock the Casbah. "Isn't that a pen right there in your hand,
you cunning little vixen?"
"That's a pencil, I need a pen." Right baby. The Foxall satellites have picked up your call for love. Houston, we have an admirer. The office mojo was beginning to get hot and heavy and my head was swimming with the possibilities. But there were four sexy ladies waiting for me at my loft. They were hired by me to clean the room. I was hired by God to dirty it. I skipped the last ten minutes of work so I could beat the end of the day to rush to my car. I had a dollar to burn and headed for the convenience store to pick up a $.99 Ginseng tea. The cashier was particular sassy. "Have a nice day," she whispered. I stared at her for a few extra seconds. "Keep the change," I said. She seemed paralyzed by my gaze and began tapping something under the counter. I've been in this situation before, she obviously felt scared and outclassed. That's okay baby, I'm like fine wine: only enjoyed by a select few. |
My last stop was the deli. I walked slow and
cool to the take-a-number machine. I took a number, then I took the machine.
This will come in handy, I thought, to inject some orders into the ladies.
Driving home, the 90 degree weather forced me to cruise with the windows down. Heading into the setting sun, I knew my encounters with love were far from over. The spacious Volvo wagon was empty now but would soon be filled with ladies like clowns in a circus car. There were four sexy ladies wailing for me, and I couldn't disappoint. All that stood in my way was the cop car pulling me over. We were stopped on the side of the road and the officer was bending over to peer in the window. The time of love would have to be prolonged for a moment. Or maybe not, for the strong arm of the law wore perfume. I offered a sip of my cognac. She offered me handcuffs. Not my style, but I obliged. Anything for a lady. |