Christopher Walken versus Bruce Campbell
Christopher Walken versus Bruce Campbell
The Fighters:
Christopher Walken proves in everything that he does that he is the creepiest man alive. He plays creepy psychotic villains and even creepier and bizarre heroes. He dances, sings, and sometimes performs in comedies, all of which is really scary when he does it. In Pulp Fiction, he played a guy who had a watch stuck up his butt for three years. How creepy is that? To combat this force, only one man will do. He is Bruce Campbell, star of The Army of Darkness, Brisco County Junior, and Bubba Ho-Tep, among others low-budget productions. He is a self-described B-movie actor and is the only man with a jaw square enough to challenge Christopher Walken.

Round One:
Christopher Walken, feeling festive, decides to hold a party with several other Hollywood actors. Since he wants to be the life of the party, he decides not to invite the A list of actors who might outshine him, instead settling for no-name folks that he hasn't really heard of. He's just finishing the preparation on the punch when the first guest rings his doorbell. Opening the door, he sees Bruce Campbell, and is just about to ask who the hell this fellow is when Bruce's chin pokes out Walken's eyes. Round One goes to Bruce Campbell.

Round Two:
While Walken is still recovering from his chin-induced eye gouging, Bruce Campbell gets a good look at who his host is.

"Holy crap, it's some sort of freakin' zombie!"

Campbell immediately whips out a shotgun and a chainsaw, not even wondering for a second why he brought such weaponry to a semi-formal party. He fires at Walken, who even in his stunned state is fast enough to dodge most of the shells and avoid the madman whirling a chainsaw.

"What the hell? I just wanted to party!"

Round Two goes to Bruce Campbell.

Round Three:
Furious that his best shirt has been ruined by the flying shrapnel, Walken finally puts on his most frightening face and lashes out at Bruce Campbell. Surprisingly, Bruce is not even stunned by the suddenly demonic force facing him, and just throws a couple overconfident catch phrases at his foe.

"You ain't scaring but two things right now: Jack and Shit. And Jack left town."

Walken just snarls and continues his onslaught.

"Shop smart, shop S-mart!"

At this last one Walken pauses for a moment and blinks twice. "That doesn't even make sense!"

"Come get some."

"MAKE SENSE DAMN YOU!!!"

The exchange between frightening demonic force and glib foolish nonsensicalness continues for quite some time until Christopher Walken gives up, deciding that Bruce Campbell is either to bold or too stupid to fight against. He goes back to his party while Bruce Campbell sets fire to the house and runs off screaming into the night. A few hours later, Campbell is tranqued and tossed into the trunk of a car by Sam Raimi, who needs him for a cameo in the next Spider-Man movie. Round Three is a draw, but the fight goes to Bruce Campbell.

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