Round One:
Lex Luthor himself instigates this fight in the most clever and subtle of ways. He places a phone call to the president, informing him that Superman said he looks like a dork. At first Bush thinks this is a compliment, but after looking up the term in a dictionary (heh...I kid...one of his aides looks it up...he can't read), he learns that it is fact an insult. In retaliation, Bush decides to place Superman on his axis of evil. He invites reporter Clark Kent all the way to the White House so that he can give an exclusive interview in which he conjectures that Superman's mother is probably a prostitute. Smiling broadly and scribbling something onto his notepad, Kent excuses himself for a moment and steps out to use the bathroom. Seconds later, Superman dramatically bursts through the wall, his eyes glowering and his fists clenched as he approaches the president.

"No one calls Ma Kent a whore," mutters Supes as he flicks Bush in the head with his index finger. For one as powerful as Superman, the pressure is strong enough to pop the president's head right off and send it flying out the window. But when Superman looks at the stump of a neck that is left, he finds that he has just destroyed a robot decoy, probably donated to the White House by LexCorp.

"Shit...I should have remembered that I have X-ray vision. I wish I didn't forget all the powers I have so often..."

Round One goes to George W. Bush, who may just have outsmarted someone.

Round Two:
While Superman stands about berating himself and wondering where he stashed his reporter's outfit, let alone why he basically gave up his secret identity by admitting that his mother is a Kent, George Bush creeps quietly out of the closet in the oval office and sneaks up behind Superman. Mustering all of his strength, he raises a lead pipe above his head and strikes down hard, trying to smash Supes' brains in.

Naturally, seeing as Superman is invulnerable, the pipe bends like rubber as Superman turns around.

"Let's see...what other powers do I have. Oh yeah...heat vision!"

Superman's eyes start glowing red as Bush's skin begins to burn. Avoiding the use of lethal force, Supes nonetheless manages to send the president writhing in agony on the floor. He then casually picks the president up and tosses him out the window. Following him down to the ground, Supes surveys the victory, only to realize with horror that he has just acted as an immature vigilante against the President of the United States. His loyalties torn, he grasps his head in agony and determines that he is nothing but a hypocrite. Then, driven by the same bizarre moral compass that has led him through this illogical turn of events, he whips out a Kryptonite blade and stabs himself in the eye. Round Two is a draw, with both fighters lying on the ground and writhing in agony.

Round Three:
Both the fighters are weakened, beaten, and twisting in agony on the sidewalk in front of the White House. Then, wandering around the corner comes...