Round One:
Shirley Temple is tap dancing on stage. Spawn chooses to lurk in the shadows and watch like your typical angsty superbeing longing for the essence of humanity he has lost. The act keeps going and going and going. Eventually, Spawn realizes that it's not likely to end any time soon, and that the little girl is actually quite annoying after prolonged exposure. He tries to make a discreet exit, only to realize that someone (insert innocent look on my part) has sealed off all the exits. At first Spawn stays calm, but eventually the lyrics of "Goodship Lollypop" repeated over and over again become some sort of haunting mantra echoing through his already tortured brain. Spawn's mind snaps, and he kills everyone in the room with great ease. Shirley Temple gets the cute little pout on her face, asking, "Why did you do that Mister Man?" or something of the sort. For a moment Spawn gets a look of remorse on his face as he starts to realize the morality of what he's just done. Then Shirley Temple bites his knee. Round One goes to Shirley Temple.

Round Two:
Spawn looks shocked at the little girl's action, then deduces that since all of the Hollywood leeches forcing her into the annoying curly top role have finally been put to death like they have always deserved, she can actually get angry like a normal little girl. Spawn looks down at Shirley Temple, trying to explain that she is free to act as she wishes now, but the little girl isn't letting up in her futile attempts at hurting the demonic being. She kicks him in the shin a few times and begin throwing a temper tantrum. Spawn stands there bewildered for a while, then gives a sigh. "You're just going to be an annoyance no matter what aren't you?" Shirley Temple continues her assault, kicking Spawn in the groin. Round Two goes to Shirley Temple.

Round Three:
"Oh! That hurt you little bitch!" Spawn proceeds to embark upon about two hours of gratuitous violence and bloodshed. Sure it's a bit excessive, but we're talking about a character from Image comics, and I paid for blood. By the time Spawn is finally through, Shirley Temple has now been reduced to the status of torso girl, missing her arms, legs, and with most of her internal organs scattered across the stage. (Who would have expected that such a little girl could spray blood faster than a pressurized ninja from a bad action flick?) Shirley Temple is left barely alive and in a great deal of shock. By chance she happens to catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and realizes that she's not cute anymore. Without her cute little rag doll look, she catches a glimpse of what her future will be like (in this case a slab of meat kept alive by a bunch of wires and breathing through a tube at the hospital) and realizes that America will no longer love her because she can't give them a nostalgic sense of satisfaction about their own pathetic childhoods and mediocre existences. Unable to cope with such a life, her head explodes in another slew of unnecessary but somehow delightful gore. Round Three and the match go to Spawn.