Round One:
Abraham Lincoln is still lost in the future and wandering about, trying to find his way home. He journeys to Quahog, Rhode Island on his tour of this day and age, and immediately gets a severe headache from the stupidity that blankets the town. One particular resident is not only stupid, but loud and obtrusive as well. He wanders through the town talking about how he wants to go to the libary and read up about nucular power. Then he plans on going to an eyetalian restaurant and axing the waiter for some spaghetti. Even Abraham Lincoln can take only so much of this drivel. Eventually, he gets a sturdy two by four and cracks Peter Griffin over the head with it, finally shutting the fat man up. Round One goes to Abraham Lincoln.

Round Two:
Peter gets up, touches the blood on the back of his head, looks at it, and then glares at Lincoln. Action movie music starts playing in the background, and Peter starts swinging wildly, expecting the ensuing battle to go something like his fights with a certain giant yellow chicken. You know, that repeat gag on Family Guy that recycles action movie clichés for five minutes out of a 20-minute long episode and isn't really that funny in the first place except for the first time they used it when it was actually original and unexpected? Yeah...one of those. Except that Abraham Lincoln is a bit tougher than your average poultry, and Peter isn't exactly in good fighting shape. So the fight doesn't go much like one of those chicken fights. Instead, it's more along the lines of Evander Holyfield versus $240 worth of pudding. That's a whole lotta pudding, but it isn't exactly a threat to a skilled fighter. Peter finds out how hard Abraham Lincoln can hit. Apparently, it's pretty hard...hard enough to cause a need for reconstructive facial surgery, at the very least. Round Two goes to Abraham Lincoln.