Round One:
Our story begins in Doctor Evil's underground lair, where Doctor Evil and his henchmen gather to have a go at their latest plan at world domination. As always, the plan reads like a horribly predictable joke. But hey, if Mike Myers can make millions off of it, then I can make a couple people laugh.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have finally discovered the flaw in my plans for world domination."

"What, the fact that you shoot them in the foot with your own stupidity?"

Unabashed, Doctor Evil ignores his son's comment. "I have always planned in the short term. This time, I have a plan that will be carried out over the next few years and will catch the world's heroes completely off guard. My plan is as such: as you all have learned from the pay cuts I imposed upon you lately, the economy of America has fallen into a Recession. For the purposes of this plan, we will call it the 'Great Recession.' Now, I plan to get arrested in a bar brawl and then, while in prison, write a book that I will call 'My Struggle.' When I am released, the popularity of the book combined with my personal charisma and America's failing economy will propel me to immense popularity. I will then rise to a position of power within the government and set up a 'Third Empire,' which will run under the basis of what I call 'National Socialism' and which will last for a thousand years...oh what the hell is it now Number Two?"

"You just aren't trying anymore, are you Doctor Evil?"

Doctor Evil's poredictable yet amusing response is cut short when Hitler's S.S. marches into the fortress, killing all of Doctor Evil's nameless guards and pistol whipping Doctor Evil himself. The evil henchmen might have been able to stop the nazis, but they just aren't paid well enough for that kind of danger anymore. Round One goes to Hitler.

Round Two:
Doctor Evil wakes up face to face with the real nazi leader, Adolf Hitler. I know that Hitler's supposed to be dead, but, um...Time travel! Cyber virtual, virtual cyber! Fear my technobabble and point out your plot holes somewhere else!

So, um, where was I?

Oh yeah...Hitler. Hitler is apparently upset at the respect and prestige that Doctor Evil has garnered himself through his appearances on this fights page (I don't really think that it can be called respect, but no one ever said that nazis were smart). In true Hitler fashion, he embarks upon a long speech about how short bald ripoffs of James Bond villains are a hindrance to the master race and must be eliminated. Doctor Evil remains calm through all of this, waiting to be placed in an easily escapable death trap with only one inept guard. Unfortunately, Hitler is a fairly successful supervillain, and begins torture Doctor Evil in front of several well-trained nazi guards. Doctor Evil, in his surprise, is rendered helpless. Round Two goes to Hitler.

Round Three:
Things are looking grim for Doctor Evil when Joseph Stalin drops by for an unexpected visit...

"Hello there! Comrade Adolf! I was wondering if you would like to go to the socialist's ball with me tonight!"