Round One:
By the twilight years of the 24th President of the United States' term, he has accomplished most of his life goals. One thing still haunts Grover Cleveland, though: the fact that he was defeated by Benjamin Harrison in the Presidential election of 1888. Sure, he came back and defeated Harrison four years later, but neither he nor Harrison actually campaigned in that election, leading the victory hollow. Grover Cleveland becomes a man obsessed, ultimately consumed by self-loathing over the loss. Finally, he steals the prototypical time machine from Teddy Roosevelt (who had stolen it from H.G. Wells previously) and blasts off to the past to confront his former self and gain revenge.
Meanwhile, the 22nd President of the United States is relaxing in the White House when his insane elder self pops into existence and starts trashing the place. Grover Cleveland the younger, not fully aware of what is going on, is not about to let his future doppelganger wreck his home and steps up to stop him. The 22nd President of the United States puts his fists up and prepares to fight. The elder Cleveland is not interested in a fair fight, though. He's interested in revenge. As such, he unveils a new death-dealing invention that was first shown at the World's Fair in 1893, years into the younger Cleveland's existence. The elder Cleveland pulls the sheet off of the Cochran Machine and cranks the handle, eager to see it fire off a laser death ray at his foe. Much to his surprise, though, the Cochran Machine is not some new-fangled disintegration weapon, but rather a prototypical dishwasher. So while the machine manages to clean the White House china quite well, the younger Grover Cleveland punches his future self repeatedly in the face. Round One goes to Grover Cleveland.
Round Two:
The elder Grover Cleveland flees after a thorough pummeling from his younger self, beating a hasty retreat out the front door of the White House. Upon his exit, however, he notices that there are several hovering police vehicles on the White House lawn. These vehicles belong to the time police of the 95th century, on loan from Midnighter. (If you haven't read Midnighter, you really, really should.) The time police are there to arrest Grover Cleveland the elder for messing with history. Undeterred, Cleveland jumps into the time machine and zips through space and time, recruiting an army of his own. The army includes most of the forgotten presidents, including John Tyler, James Poly, Rutherford B. Hayes, Calvin Coolidge, and a variety of other guys that you will never hear about unless you pay attention in history class. A large-scale battle breaks out on the White House lawn between the time police and the forgotten presidents. In the confusion, Grover Cleveland the elder sneaks up on Grover Cleveland the younger, knocks him out, tosses him into the time machine, and disappears somewhere into history. Round Two goes to Grover Cleveland.
Round Three:
Having now entered full-blown supervillain psychosis, the elder Grover Cleveland whisks his younger counterpart away to some point in the 1950s, ties him up on a clocktower, and starts monologuing about his insane evil plan. The younger Grover Cleveland tunes this part out, largely convinced that this entire fight is some sort of hallucination. Unknown to either Grover Cleveland, the time machine has landed them not far from the ending of Back to the Future, meaning that a much cooler time machine capable of traveling 88mph is revving up and about to zap its way into the 1980s. In a coincidence of astounding proportions, lightning strikes the clock tower and the DeLorean zips off into the future. The sudden burst of lightning and the firey tracks left by Doc Brown's time machine distracts the elder Grover Cleveland from his evil monologue long enough to allow the younger Grover Cleveland to escape from his bonds. A brief fistfight ensues, ending when the younger Grover Cleveland knocks his evil future counterpart out with a haymaker to the jaw. The younger, heroic Grover Cleveland hops into H.G. Wells' time machine, returns to the past, and then sends his evil counterpart rocketing to a random point in time. The elder Grover Cleveland wakes up in the 1970s with amnesia from the shock of frequent time travel and goes on to lose some weight and become a member of the Village People. Meanwhile, the victorious 22nd President of the United States goes on to finish out his term, lose to Benjamin Harrison, and then come back four years later. Having learned his lesson from his evil alternate future counterpart, he doesn't let the loss get to him. After retiring as the only U.S. President to serve two nonconsecutive terms in the White House, Grover Cleveland fades into obscurity, where he spends the rest of his life battling the forces of evil alongside his illegitimate son. But that's a story for another time. Round Three and the fight go to Grover Cleveland, the 22nd President and forgotten hero of the United States.
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