Round One:
After having swallowed Charlton Heston, King Kong has come down with a monstrous case of indigestion. Without a bottle of Mylanta big enough to soothe his pain (ka-ching as I get paid off for endorsing said product), he is rampaging away in New York city.

Actually, screw that. New York has had its fair share of King Kong, so let's move the fight somewhere else for a change of scenery. Kong is in Cleveland instead.

Anyway, Kong is rampaging through Cleveland, where Bruce Campbell is doing a book signing of his kickass autobiography If Chins Could Kill. Naturally, Bruce isn't going to let the big ape ruin everything, so he leaps into an Oldsmobile to stop him. He puts the pedal to the floor and plows right into Kong's foot going at the car's top speed of 40mph. The Oldsmobile is crushed, Bruce Campbell is almost killed in the resulting fireball, and Kong feels a slight pain in his big toe which he soothes by smashing the Cleveland Browns' football stadium. Round One goes to King Kong.

Round Two:
Kong's rampage continues unabated. He knocks over all of Cleveland's precious national landmarks (oh come on, I'm sure they have a few; at the very least I know that there's a nice airport there). He demolishes homes. He eats people. He disrupts a baseball game. You know, the whole nine yards. Meanwhile, Bruce emerges from the wreckage and charges the big ape. Kong looks down and see a man with a chin so manly and a jaw so square that it sends shivers through the beast's heart. Kong tries to flee, but there aren't exactly any notable landmarks to climb in Cleveland; certainly nothing with the distinction of the Empire State Building. Instead the ape just jumps around wildly until he slips and falls onto his back. Bruce climbs onto the ape's chest and declares victory. Round Two goes to Bruce Campbell.