George Bush versus George "Dubya" Bush
The Fighters:
These guys may be father and son, but don't let that trick you; they couldn't be more different. One ran on the platform of "No new taxes." The other ran on the platform of tax cuts. One waged war on Iraq during Operation: Desert Storm. The other waged war on Iraq as part of the war or terrorism. One proposed a flag burning amendment that ended up alienating other republicans and killing his chances for reelection. The other is pushing a constitutional amendment that would bar gay marriages and that has already alienated many fellow republicans. These guys may be from the same family, but there similarities end there, dammit!
Talk of the Tape:
George Bush: "I am not a wimp!"
George "Dubya" Bush: "We will win the war on freedom."

Round One:
The battle begins when Pa Bush hears that Dubya's administration has captured Saddaam Hussein. Jealousy is a powerful motivator, and Bush Sr. is not exactly happy at being upstaged by his own son. Naturally, Dubya is neither intelligent nor graceful, and invites his dad into the oval office just so he can prance around and scream, "I'm the best presimadent in history!!!" Pa Bush warns his son that he's not too old enough to get a spanking, and Dubya declares his father to be unpatriotic. I know it's a leap in logic...maybe Dubya fell off the wagon and is on some really bad trip.

So the Patriot Ninjas leap out of the White House rafters. Who are the Patriot Ninjas, you ask? Well, they're biproducts of the Patriot Act, of course. You see, Dubya wanted to go with some good old fashioned storm troopers, but good old Dick Cheney managed to warn him that people are really touchy about their government acting like fascists or Nazis, so the administration decided to go for the more PC friendly ninjas, which are just as dangerous but don't have the stigma that storm troopers do.

The odds look stacked against Pa Bush, but he calmly reaches behind the President's desk and presses a button. Suddenly, one of the walls opens up to reveal and entire armory of modern weapons, ranging from katanas and sais to M-16s and hand grenades. Where did all the weaponry come from? It was secretly installed by the brilliant former prez Franklin Roosevelt, who wanted to be prepared in case of ninjas. Every president is secretly informed of its existence, but Dubya probably wasn't paying attention during orientation. And Bush Sr. grabs a bandolier of ammunition, a machine gun, and a flame thrower and gets busy. He actually had some real military training beyond the Texas National Guard, and ninjas die left and right. Round One goes to Daddy Bush.

Round Two:
Seeing his pa take apart the Patriot Ninjas, Dubya beats a hasty retreat and heads to the man who takes care of everything for him: Dick Cheney. While the last of the ninjas dies smelling like napalm in the morning, Dick tells Dubya to find cover. He'll take care of the intruder...

Dick rolls up his sleeve as Daddy Bush comes down the hallway low on ammo. "You'll have to get past me if you want him," he warns.

"Fine by me." Bush kicks Cheney down the stairs, killing the frail old man. Round Two goes to Daddy Bush.

Round Three:
Meanwhile, Dubya is rushing through the hallways of the White House wondering where things went so terribly wrong. He rushes back to the armory that his father revealed and grabs a weapon, trying to remember his firearms training in the National Guard. Unfortunately, his memory is blocked by a haze of substance abuse and, well...how many different ways to I have to come up with to say that Dubya is stupid? Anyway, Bush Sr. busts into the room and throws down his guns, intent on giving his boy a good old fashioned woodshed-style whoopin'. Dubya, in a last ditch effort to save himself, points to gun at George Bush and fires. Unfortunately, he points the gun at the wrong George Bush and kills himself. Round Three and the match go to Pa Bush

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