Round One:
Round One begins with Adam taking the fight against Rodan to the air. Unfortunately, as the Japanese Defense Force has already been decimated by the two monsters, the best pair of wings he can find is an old biplane from World War II. As soon as Rodan notices Adam getting close to him, he starts flapping his wings furiously, kicking up hurricane-force winds that send Adam's tiny plane spinning out of control. However, the plane itself has served its purpose: it got Adam close to Rodan. Dressed in nothing but fig leaves and a bandolier of grenades, Adam yells, "THIS BIRD'S GONNA FLY!" at the top of his lungs. Then he leaps at Rodan, tossing the grenades down the monster's throat. The explosions in Rodan's belly leave the radioactive dinosaur in agony. Distracted, Rodan crashes into a skyscraper and falls to the ground. Adam plummets to the ground as well, figuring that his luck has finally run out. (Getting tossed out of the Garden of Eden doesn't count as bad luck -- it's his own fault for listening to his wife.) Round One is a draw.

Round Two:
Adam is saved at the last minute by Eve, who bungee jumps off a burning skyscraper, grabs her falling husband, and then snaps back up into the sky, firing an uzi at Mothra all the while. Mothra doesn't feel the bullets, though. However, the monster heads straight for Adam and Eve, leaving the humans in a mess of trouble. In desperation, Eve waits until the bungee cord sends the couple back into the air. Then she fires the uzi at its base, cutting it off where it met the skyscraper. Seeing what his woman is up to, Adam grabs the end of the bungee cord and uses it to lasso the rafters on another nearby building. Adam and Eve swing to safety, and the chorus swells on the soundtrack.

As it turns out, though, Adam and Eve had no reason to worry about Mothra in the first place. The giant moth wasn't heading for them, but rather was heading for the burning building they were attached to. As a moth, Mothra still has a certain insectoid mentality, and is attracted to the flame like...some sort of winged insect that really likes fire. And just like said insect, Mothra gets too close to the fire, and burns its wings. The giant moth goes sizzling over the skyline to land somewhere in the Sea of Japan. Round Two goes to Adam and Eve.

Round Three:
Really good monsters never go down in the first wave, no matter how charismatic or scantily clad the action heroes that face them are. That's the case with Rodan and Mothra. Rodan pushes past his pain and takes to the air again. Mothra quenches its burning wings in the ocean waters and flies back, but not before taking a quick stop off at Monster Island for some reinforcements. So now Adam and Eve have to confront not only Rodan and Mothra, but also Gamera, Megalon, and a number of other obscure Toho Studios monsters. Even they are likely to be overwhelmed, so they call in reinforcements of the own.

Answering their call is the Holy Trinity of God, Jesus, and Shaft (the Holy Ghost -- hey, my fight, my made-up religious beliefs!). They join Adam and Eve's fight, and the five of them form into one Voltron-esque super being, combining the omnipotence of God, the wisdom of Jesus, the blackness of Shaft, and the, uh, nudity of Adam and Eve. The super-being forms its blazing sword and smites the monsters out of Japan and off the face of the Earth with a divine glory that can only be summoned up by the combination of such powerful religious icons. Round Three and the fight go to Adam and Eve. I'll be writing my next fight from a corner booth in Hell.