Round One:
New York City: a peaceful place (oh but I jest)...until the NRA comes into town. In a matter of hours Charlton and his boys are running the place, gunning down all who oppose their rule. Inside a day, all of Manhattan bows under the tyrannical rule of Charlton Heston (the armed forces would intervene, but I'm keeping them busy by holding California hostage with a horde of nuclear missiles...gawd I love my job).

There's only one force mighty enough to oppose Heston's rule (no, not Superman...he's still dead from his bout with Triangle Man). That force is the great ape known as King Kong! As it so happens, Kong has followed a "mysterious" trail of bananas to New York City as we lure him into one of the greatest arenas of all time.

Kong immediately begins wrecking New York, pushing over buildings and whatnot as he makes his way to the highest point in the city (a la the 1933 film). Charlton Heston is oblivious to the fact that the great ape is tearing up town because he's making out with a gun at the time. Only when he finds himself pinned beneath the rubble of a smashed building does he notice the incursion on his domain. Round One goes to King Kong.

Round Two:
Charlton Heston is furious at the ape's actions, and as King Kong begins climbing the World Trade Center, the gunhappy madman hops in a biplane and flies in after him. We hear the tune of The Ride of the Valkyries as Heston divebombs the great ape in a barrage of gunshots, missiles, and whatever else he happens to be able to keep in the plane (we're talking about some pretty large caliber penises...I mean guns! GUNS!).

Mysteriously, Kong falls after the first hit, not giving anywhere near the kind of fight he did in the movies. Round Two goes to Charlton Heston.

Round Three:
Charlton lands his plane next to Kong's unmoving body. Seeing that the great ape appears to be dead, he immediately begins prancing around like a moron, hoping that the evening news caught all the footage about how important it is to keep fully automatic weapons in one's home in case a giant gorilla attacks your home town. He's still praising himself in this great political victory when King Kong suddenly gets up and grabs the madman in one giant paw. As it turns out, King Kong seems to have a greater learning curb than the average politician (like we didn't know that).

"Get your damn paw off me, you damned dirty ape!"

King Kong looks at the tiny human, and spends a second trying to decide what to make of his ranting.