Five Year Plan for the Lyons research group
proposed by Jessica Dion to Dr. Lyons on Mon, 18 Aug 1997 12:28:24 -0400 (EDT)

I've decided that that big hole that they're digging near the bookstore/theater is going to be the foundation for the new structural biology building. What do you think? We could put our spectrometers down there, in a beautiful ground floor with a cathedral ceiling and an observation hallway above, for tours. We could have some elegant spiral staircases leading down to the ground floor, where there will be a glassed in enclosure with computers, workstations and offices (with a view of the spectrometer). This area will also be lit with warm full spectrum lighting, will have a number of plants growing here and there, and the light will be supplemented by sky lights. Above, there will be some meeting rooms, offices, X-ray folks, and other computer workstation areas, perhaps on the second floor with a lovely view. The top floor will be an open greenhouse type area, with tropical rainforest plants, the occasional aquarium pond with south american biotope fish and amphibians, and several places for eating lunch, holding meetings, and relaxing. The walls and ceiling will be mostly transparent, offering excellent views of the UVM green and Lake Champlain, with glimpses of the green mountains behind.

In the second phase of construction, we'll dig a small tunnel from this facility, under the green near the library/MLS building, and over to MMG. Passengers will step into small capsules and be quietly and swiftly wisked off to another building. This will lower the energy barrier of cross-department communication and collaboration, and increase turn out at seminars and other presentations. Perhaps we could make a similar tunnel to the Cooke building, fostering positive relations with the chemistry and physics departments.

This will be mostly financed by the gigantic multimillion dollar grant that you will receive, as a result of the seminal discoveries that we will be making as soon as we finish with this integrin project. By the time we finish Phase 2 of the project, I'll be about 27, and will be a boundless ball of synergistic energy, and your kids will be in school and sleeping through the night, allowing you many more degrees of freedom.

Working long hours in the semi-toxic dimly lit basement of Given, we will together unlock the secrets of the endocrine system and of membrane receptors, early mammalian development and cell signalling events. We will then become sociopolitical activists (on the side), and will ascend into the limelight of 21st century ecoagroanthropeace, where we will gain instant popularity and support by every middle and lower class family. Together, we will elegantly expose the corruption and malicious selfishness that characterizes many of the powerful economic forces that have led to the poisoning of our environment. We will gain unexpected support from major religious groups, as they come to realize that the corporate masses are spoiling god's gift to our children and showing ultimate disrespect for His creations and lack of compassion for our brothers and sisters.

With a few key press conferences and some provocative, perfectly executed publications, we and our supporters will completely redesign the relationship between democracy, capitalism, economic freedom and patriotic responsibility, creating the strongest, most peaceful, inclusive and progressive nation that has ever existed on the planet.

As this happens, the european community will gasp in awe, and spend the next several decades trying to emulate pieces of the system we've created.