WORKSHOP 5: ENCOURAGING RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR

Table of Contents

WORKSHOP 5: ENCOURAGING RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR Exercise 1: Mini-Lecture and Group Discussion
Exercise 2: Discipline Mini-Lecture/Group Discussion
Exercise 3: Understanding Abuse and Neglect

Exercise 4: Resource Handouts
PROGRAM EVALUATION

EVALUATION QUESTIONS

ENCOURAGING RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR WORKSHOP - RESOURCE HANDOUT

DISCIPLINE: TEACHING THROUGH UNDERSTANDING -

RESOURCE HANDOUT -

RESOURCE HANDOUT continued

INDICATORS OF SEXUAL ABUSE

PHYSICAL INDICATORS OF CHILD ABUSE FOR MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS

Goal:

T
o clarify the role of the caregiver as a teacher who uses information and skills to foster self-discipline in children and vadolescents.

Objectives:

- To provide a clearer understanding of discipline and its value in teaching children to take control of their lives;

- To focus on the role of the caregiver as a child's most important teacher;

- To provide strategies for parents to use when dealing with difficult problems;

- To address: a) what causes abuse and neglect; b) how to identify abuse or neglect; c) what to do if a child is at risk; d) how the Master Teacher in Family Life program can lessen the frequency of abuse and neglect for children at risk.

Materials Needed:

Newsprint, magic markers, refreshments; handouts: discipline techniques, descriptors of abuse and neglect, reporting summary.

Exercise 1: Mini-Lecture and Group Discussion

V
iktor Gecas, in his research article titled, "The Influence of Social Class on Socialization," describes the parental authoritarianism of adults of lower socioeconomic status as having "greater rigidity, formality, inflexibility, greater reliance on physical punishment and less open affection and support." This style focuses on external control. The more controlling the parent, the fewer opportunities the child has to make decisions and learn from consequences of his/her actions. The child has difficulty internalizing a sense of self-control.

O
n the other hand, in a chaotic environment, moderate control may become very difficult due to a child's lack of cooperation; a parent might give up. He/she may become the permissive parent, letting the child take over the family environment, making arbitrary choices with no limits. This leaves the child with no guidelines for self-discipline and often leads to trouble both at home and in the community. Again, the child has developed no sense of self-control.

P
arents need to find a middle ground. They need to be teachers, not bosses and not best friends. They need to provide enough space and skills so their children can solve their own problems. They also need to provide a structure of limitations. This exercise provides some guidelines for encouraging Master Teachers to understand the caregiver's role as that of teacher, not a punisher or a controller.

Activity 1:

1. Draw the "discipline continuum" below on newsprint.

authoritarian _________________________________ permissive
(controlling)

Explain that parents interact with their children in many different ways, ranging from very controlling to extremely permissive. Give an exaggerated example of each extreme.

2. Discuss the traits of the controlling parent (e.g., ways the parent asserts authority, parent's philosophy, examples of controlling behavior). Discuss the strengths of this style; showing love by setting limits, keeping children safe, parenting the way they were raised, etc. We do not want to say this style is wrong; we will only be encouraging a less- controlling style in order to give more space for decision- making and learning from consequences. Brainstorm the pros and cons of a controlling parenting style. List on newsprint.

3. Discuss the traits of the permissive parent (e.g. parent's philosophy, examples of permissive behavior). Again, do not indicate that the permissive style is wrong. Discuss why a parent could feel like giving up, especially as he/she balances the needs of the family with the needs of one child. Brainstorm the pros and cons of the permissive parenting style. List on newsprint.

4. Encourage a discussion to get the group to accept a middle ground in setting limits. Explain that in this middle ground the parent is the most important teacher in the child's life. Write on the continuum "teacher" between controlling and permissive parent.

TEACHER

authoritarian --------------------------------- permissive

Exercise 2: Discipline Mini-Lecture/Group Discussion

L
ike most parents, most Master Teachers have relied on punishment to teach their children to behave. They need to know that this exercise is not to question their parenting style; it is to identify other new ideas that help children develop self-control and make parenting easier.

Activity 1:

1. Explain the role of the parent as the teacher via a discussion of the appropriate limit-setting techniques that teach inner self-control. Have trainees remember that parents must be tolerant of the fact that children are bound to make mistakes as they learn to deal with the world. Parents will aim to help children gain self-control, feel better about themselves, learn to make responsible decisions, and gain independence. As a teacher, the parent will not be effective by teaching a child to behave out of fear, by showing the child that adults must make all the decisions, or by giving up when a child seems too difficult to manage. Parents as teachers will encourage children to take charge of their own lives.

2. Talk about parenting methods you may want to discourage.

You do not say all of these methods are wrong. You are only recommending more effective ways to set limits.

A note about spanking: The issue of spanking has become very controversial in many of my workshops. Avoid getting caught up in the pros and cons of spanking. You might mention that the parent's state of mind when he/she spanks is key to discriminating between spanking as a limit- setting technique and spanking as abuse, or as a scare tactic. If the parent spanks to release his/her own frustration rather than to teach, he/she is abusing the child. (Though many of us do not believe in spanking, telling trainees that it is totally wrong may put them on the defensive; a very high percentage of parents do indeed spank their children.)

3. Talk about appropriate methods for setting limits.

Encouragement: Consistently reinforce specific appropriate behavior you observe. "You picked up ALL your toys," "You colored the apple," or "You walked away from the fight. That took guts!" When minor misbehaviors seem to be attention getters, reinforce a good behavior and ignore the bad. (Remember that frequent encouragement fills up cups of self- esteem.)

Natural or Logical Consequences: Allow children to accept the consequences of their actions. The first time a child spills milk, teach him/her to clean it up. Next time ask him/her to clean it up alone. Remember, it is not only what is said, but how it is said that teaches. If the parent screams, "Clean that up!" what might have been a "lesson" becomes a punishment because the child will be acting out of fear. Calmly asking the child to clean up the milk takes self-control on the parent's part, but it is more likely to leave an impression in the long run.

Negotiating Rules: Talk about family rules and the consequences of breaking them. Make the consequences appropriate for the rules. Be sure both children and parents follow through on the rules and suffer the consequences when rules are broken. That's mutual respect!

Exploring Alternatives in Solving Problems: Encourage using the problem-solving strategies from previous trainings as a way to avoid repeated misbehaviors.

Activity 2:

Discuss limit-setting strategies in the following situations.

Example 1

T
welve-year-old Robert is consistently avoiding his 8:30 bedtime; sometimes stalling, sometimes refusing to go to bed, often getting up after he has settled down. Robert and his mom are arguing about this nightly. Robert complains that his bedtime is too early. The parent is upset with Robert because he refused to go by bedtime rules. There is a constant power struggle.

1. Talk about what the problem is. Different trainees will have different ideas according to how they see the problem. For this example I suggest you define the problem as: Robert is refusing to cooperate at bedtime because he is not tired at 8:30. He needs and wants a later bedtime. Mom wants to stick with her rules.

2. Ask the group what kind of limit-setting technique they would use in order to get Robert to cooperate and go to bed at a reasonable time, minus the power struggle. Probably, through negotiation, Robert and mom could agree on a more appropriate time. Set the time and expect Robert to do his part in cooperating.

3. Talk about why negotiation may have been best for promoting good decision-making skills and enhancement of the parent/child relationship.

Example 2

F
ifteen-year-old Thomas is struggling with algebra. By the second marking period, Thomas' father decides to go to talk about the problem with the algebra teacher. Thomas' father learns that Thomas is not doing his homework. This is bringing his mark below passing. Thomas' father is furious. As he drives home, he thinks about the lecture he will give Thomas.

1. Ask the group members to define the situation in need of limit-setting.

2. Ask one trainee to role-play Thomas. You pretend to be the father. Pretend that you are very angry. When you see Thomas, fly off the handle and let him know what a disappointment he has been. Lecture him about how he should be doing better and will not be playing any more sports until he shapes up. (By now you and Thomas should be in the midst of a power struggle.)

3. Stop the action. Discuss why this approach will not work.

4. Role play the problem situation again; this time first taking the time to get some composure (between the time Dad talked to the teacher and then talked to Thomas). Then talk about the problem with Thomas and negotiate a solution.

Example 3

S
aturday mornings are cleaning time for the Olsen household. Whenever there are special plans on Saturday, the kids know they must spend their Friday evenings getting their room in order. On this particular Saturday morning, ten-year-old Elaine has been reading comic books. She has picked up a few things, but has spent far too much time with her nose in those books. At eleven o'clock the phone rings. It is Elaine's best friend asking her to go to the beach. Elaine begs her mom to let her go.

1. Role play this situation. Elaine should learn from logical consequences that she cannot go to the beach. She had a chance to clean her room. She knew the rules. Logically she lost the privilege. Elaine should be firmly but kindly told that she cannot go this time, but next time maybe the situation will work out better.

2. Discuss why it is important to follow through with logical consequences. Remind the group that, especially in this case, tone of voice can change a logical consequence into a punishment (e.g., You could yell, "See, Elaine, now you can't go because you didn't do what I told you do!").

H
ave the group break into pairs and use Worksheet 2 (or group members' own discipline challenges) as a basis for role playing. Have pairs find limit-setting solutions to their problems. After ten minutes, reunite the group. Choose two pairs to role play for the group. Discuss the limit-setting techniques they chose. How did they focus on the child's responsibility to develop self- discipline?

Exercise 3: Understanding Abuse and Neglect

T
he overwhelming feelings of powerlessness many parents feel after dealing with inadequate resources for extended periods of time may contribute to increased incidence of child abuse. Some adults in every socioeconomic level abuse their children because they are psychologically dysfunctional. Others love their children very much; however, when feeling frustrated and helpless, they may resort to abuse out of desperation.

A
better understanding of children's needs and of limit-setting techniques will help alleviate the tendency to punish children harshly under normal circumstances. Deciding whether punishment constitutes abuse is the job of an investigating social worker. Whether or not to report suspected child abuse is a very complicated issue. Sometimes parents are inappropriately accused; mistakes can be made by overworked or inexperienced social workers. At other times children's lives are saved or parents receive excellent support services. Unfortunately, we hear the horror stories most often. Social service agencies are not always looked upon as positive supports in the community.

A
bove all, the role of the Master Teacher Program is to create an environment that is less stressful. Building supports in the neighborhood will make the stressors related to poverty barriers seem less intense. Community will decrease the incidence of abuse due to isolation. The Master Teacher Program will give advice and support to parents to keep them from feeling helpless when their children misbehave and the family is in crisis.

I
n spite of the community building effort, there will still be child abuse and neglect. Master Teachers and social workers must keep in mind that no matter how difficult it may be to report a neighbor, a child's safety comes first. Teaching the most effective way to evaluate the situation, make the report, and deal with any subsequent retaliation will best prepare the trainee.

B
ecause each state has its own guidelines regarding abuse and neglect, you should contact a local social service agency to get details about the resources available, the mandates concerning abuse and neglect, and the legal requirements regarding a Master Teacher's obligation to file a report. You should understand all aspects of the reporting procedure, whether the reporter's name remains confidential and what professionals are available should you or a Master Teacher need more information.

Note: Do not invite a social service worker to present at this training. Feelings about protective agencies are mixed. This training will be a time to process those feelings and understand how to protect children at risk.

Activity 1:

1. Define physical, emotional, and sexual abuse using the handout listed for this workshop. Briefly discuss this information as it relates to personal and community experiences of the group members.

2. Talk about why even "healthy" parents abuse and neglect their children (stress, learned parenting styles, a sense of helplessness in dealing with a difficult child, lack of resources to address basic needs). Though there are psychologically disturbed individuals who do not understand the damage they do to children they abuse, we will be talking about parents who love their children but are abusing or neglecting them for other reasons. We must consider both isolated incidents and patterns of abuse or neglect.

3. Hand out the listings of indicators of abuse and neglect. Go over each part and give some examples.

4. Hand out the worksheet describing the steps related to deciding when and how to report a child at risk of harm. Walk through each step of the worksheet using examples. Give time for questions.

5. Role-play the reporting procedure. Make sure trainees record the name of the intake worker (the person who listens to the report in the agency) so that any subsequent problems will be coordinated with this first report.

6. Discuss what happens when angry parents find out who reported them. Can the Master Teacher reason with them? Might there be retaliation? Talk about the long-term advantages of the safety of a child versus the short-term anger of parents. (Some parents are actually acting out as a cry for help.)

7. Talk about how the Master Teacher in Family Life Program can alleviate the incidence of child abuse in trainees' neighborhoods.

Exercise 4: Resource Handouts

T
rainees need to understand how far they can go to help parents. Workshops 4 and 5 give trainees many tools for leading groups and many ideas to share with parents who ask for help. Hand out a list of agencies that respond to parent's needs.

Closing the Meeting

E
xplain that Workshops 4 and 5 end the skills-building phase of this program. Subsequent workshops will focus on putting the program into action and providing technical information to address difficult family life questions. Taking time to summarize the skills learned to this point will effectively terminate this phase of the training.

Activity

O
n newsprint, summarize the concepts of the first five workshops. Explain that the Master Teachers now have a good understanding of skills that can improve the quality of life in their communities. The next workshops will focus on implementation and technical knowledge. List the topics of Workshops 6 through 10.

PROGRAM EVALUATION

A
sk the group members to fill out an evaluation form. Remind them that the evaluation will help you be more effective. Ask meeting participants to leave the evaluations with you as they go.

EVALUATION QUESTIONS

1. Why do children need limits?



2. What are some ways to teach children self-control?



3. When deciding whether children are in trouble, what would you consider?



4. What is one thing you would change about this workshop?



5. What is one thing you liked about the workshop?



ENCOURAGING RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR WORKSHOP - RESOURCE HANDOUT

Child Development - When Should We Be Concerned?

F
or any of us to try to discover "what is normal" relative to individual children's behavior is probably unrealistic. Children - because of diverse temperaments, differing parental attitudes and values, a variety of environmental situations, diverse make-up, and varying developmental levels - can seem impossible to figure out at times.

N
evertheless, in many cases you may become concerned about unusual behavior. Listed below are some steps to take as a way to decide if you have a real problem on your hands.

1. Try to IDENTIFY SPECIFIC SIGNS of concern. List.

2. INTENSITY AND FREQUENCY. Are the signs really obvious and out of the ordinary according to your experiences? - Or, are the signs subtle, and maybe indescribable - however clearly and regularly interfering with the child's cognitive, social, or emotional growth? Keep track of the frequency of the signs and/or their intensity.

3. DOCUMENT FOR PATTERNS. This is needed in order to help you see a possible cause for the problem. It will help the parent to match similar behaviors at home. The professional or specialist can use your observations as a guide in finding a clinical cause for any possible problem.

4. SEEK ADVICE FROM PROFESSIONALS. Advice is free. Childhood specialists or social workers in agencies dealing with abuse and neglect should be more than willing to help.

5. BE CAREFUL WHEN TALKING ABOUT POSSIBLE PROBLEMS WITH A CHILD'S PARENTS. In most cases they will be grateful for information, however, in other cases (abuse, neglect, emotional issues) they may become very defensive, intensifying the problem.

Developed by Margaret Slinski

DISCIPLINE: TEACHING THROUGH UNDERSTANDING -

Resource Handout

U
nderstanding children's needs and why children misbehave is the first step toward effective child management. Consider the following:

1. Children misbehave as a way to communicate the need for food, sleep or a change in activity (boredom).

2. Children misbehave when they are physically ill.

3. Children misbehave when they are frustrated due to inappropriate expectations. (too little or too much is expected of them)

4. Children misbehave when they feel unloved - or unlovable.

5. Children misbehave when confused due to a major change in their life - or a series of minor changes or inconsistencies.

6. Children misbehave when discouraged or put down.

7. Children misbehave when they bring learned inappropriate ways to deal with problems from their own home into the day care setting.

L
ots of good feelings and good times can eliminate many of these misbehaviors. Consistent scheduling and appropriate planning will create an environment in which children feel comfortable and a sense of control.

T
hrough consistent, fair, predictable limits children will become comfortable with themselves and their environment thus creating optimal conditions for growth while in your care.

D
iscipline can progress from an easy going "teaching" type of style to a more structured, firm limit-setting approach depending on the specific situation and temperament of the child.

Step I.

F
or minor incidents of testing limits and forgetfulness on the part of the kids, caregivers could "teach" kids appropriate behavior through:

1. making sure the task is age appropriate.
2. reteaching the task to make sure the child understands.
3. making a game of it. "Let's pretend we're robots cleaning the family room!"
4. redirecting; explain what a child can do - rather than cannot.
5. giving a warning.
6. staying simple, correct in as few words as possible - kids get "parent deaf."
7. using humor. "Your jacket's looking lonely out in the yard."
8. turning the problem into a game.
9. writing a note.
10. giving a choice.
11. making a deal.
12. distracting from the problem.
13. counting (slowly).
14. giving in - admit you're wrong if you expected too much.
15. commenting on successes, ignoring failures.

Step II.

E
asy going teaching techniques may not always work. When these forms of helpful interaction are not effective; when misbehaviors are becoming bad habits, promoting self-control might be needed. Effective strategies may include:

1. Exploring alternatives - you and the child will a) define the problem; b) brainstorm for ways to solve the problem; c) choose an appropriate strategy; d) evaluate to see if the solution is working at a later date.

2. Logical, natural consequences such as:

Step III.

S
ome children may be more challenging to discipline, and temper tantrums and physical fighting may happen too frequently. Emotionally neglected, a child may be withdrawn, without a well- developed sense of right and wrong - or overactive. For these "difficult" children a sensitive caregiver may need to be firmer in establishing boundaries for safety reasons as well as developing some self-control in the children. Consider the following guidelines:

1. It is normal to feel angry and frustrated with the withdrawn or overactive child. However, venting anger through yelling at the misbehaving child only increases the child's sense of confusion and fear. Get space away from the child if you cannot address the problem logically at this time.

2. Briefly hold a child to prevent destructive behavior.
However, follow this by giving a child time and space to
release tension appropriately under safer circumstances.

3. Brainstorm with the child ways for the impulsive child to act out frustrations appropriately.

4. Do not isolate misbehaving children for long periods of time. The withdrawn child will withdraw more under these circumstances. Overactive children may misbehave with even greater intensity as they react to what they may consider an unjust punishment.

5. If a child consistently uses inappropriate problem-solving methods, i.e. fighting in order to get a favorite toy, react quickly and consistently in order to reteach the child an appropriate way to deal with this problem.

R
emember, consistency and predictability is the key to helping children be comfortable and grow in your day care setting. Reflect on the child management style you are presently using. Is fear of punishment and the need to please you the incentive which "makes" your charges behave? Could your day care setting become more relaxed through implementing some of the strategies listed above? Consider employing discipline as a form of teaching. You may be surprised as you begin to feel more comfortable in your position as a professional parent.

Distributed by: Margaret D. Slinski, Family Life Educator

RESOURCE HANDOUT -

From the National Center for Child Abuse and Neglect
Specialized Training

INDICATORS OF CHILD NEGLECT

Lack of Supervision

Very young children left unattended.
Children left in the care of other children too young to protect them.
Children inadequately supervised for long periods of time or when engaged in dangerous activities.

Lack of Adequate Clothing and Good Hygiene

Children dressed inadequately for the weather. Persistent skin disorders resulting from improper hygiene. Children chronically dirty and unbathed.

Lack of Medical or Dental Care

Children whose needs for medical or dental care or medication and health aids are unmet.

Lack of Adequate Education

Children who are chronically absent from school.

Lack of Adequate Nutrition

Children lacking sufficient quantity or quality of food.
Children consistently complaining of hunger or rummaging for food.
Children suffering from severe developmental lags.

Lack of Adequate Shelter

Structurally unsafe housing or exposed wiring.
Inadequate heating.
Unsanitary housing conditions.
continued

RESOURCE HANDOUT continued

In Identifying Neglect, Be Sensitive to:

Differing cultural expectations and values.
Differing child-rearing practices.
Issues of poverty vs. neglect. Neglect is not necessarily related to poverty; it reflects a breakdown in household management, a breakdown of concern for caretaking of the child.

Head Injuries:

Absence of hair and/or hemorrhaging beneath the scalp due to vigorous hair pulling.
Subdural hematomas - hemorrhaging beneath the outer covering of the brain (due to shaking or hitting).
Retinal hemorrhages or detachments (due to shaking).
Jaw and nasal fractures.
Loosened or missing teeth.

Internal injuries caused by blows to midline of abdomen:

Duodenal or jejunal hemotomas.
Rupture of the inferior vena cava.
Peritonitis - inflammation of the lining of the abdominal cavity.
Laceration of liver, spleen or pancreas.
Renal injury.
Rigid abdomen; tenderness in the abdomen.

RESOURCE HANDOUT -
From the National Center for Child Abuse and Neglect
Specialized Training

INDICATORS OF SEXUAL ABUSE

Physical Indicators:

Difficulty in walking or sitting.
Torn, stained, or bloody underclothing.
Pain or itching in genital area.
Bruises or bleeding in external genitalia, vaginal or anal areas.
Venereal disease.
Pregnancy.

Behavioral Indicators:

Unwilling to change for gym or participate in physical education class.
Withdrawn, regressive or infantile.
Sophisticated or unusual sexual behavior or knowledge.
Poor peer relationships.
Delinquent, truant, runaway.
Reports sexual assault by caretaker.

RESOURCE HANDOUT -
From the National Center for Child Abuse and Neglect
Specialized Training

PHYSICAL INDICATORS OF CHILD ABUSE FOR MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS

T
he following injuries and conditions are often seen in cases of abuse or neglect. These warning signals or indicators should be considered in light of explanations provided, medical history (especially if inconsistent), and the developmental abilities of the child to engage in activities that might have caused the injury.

Bruises and welts that may be indicators of physical abuse:

Bruises on any infant, especially facial bruises. Bruises on the posterior side of a child's body. Bruises in unusual patterns that might reflect the pattern of the instrument used, or human bite marks. Clustered bruises indicating repeated contact with a hand or instrument. Bruises in various stages of healing.

Burns:

Immersion burns indicating dunking in a hot liquid ("sock" or "glove" burns on the arms or legs or "doughnut" shaped burns of the buttocks and genitalia). Cigarette burns. Rope burns that indicate confinement. Dry burns indicating that a child has been forced to sit upon a hot surface or has had a hot implement applied to the skin.

Lacerations and Abrasions:

Lacerations of the lip, eye or any portion of an infant's face. Any laceration or abrasion to external genitalia.

Skeletal injuries:

Rib fractures.
Fracture of the mandible, sternum or scapulae.
Skull trauma.
Spinal shaft fracture or spinal trauma.
Recurrent injury to same site.
Injuries caused by twisting or pulling:
Metaphyseal or corner fractures of long bones;
Epiphyseal separation;
Periosteal elevation;
Spiral fractures.

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