How To Help Someone You Care About Who Has Experienced Gender Based Violence

Unless you are a trained victim's advocate, the three best things you can do are provide a place for your friend to vent their emotions, validate their feelings, and refer them to someone with experience and expertise such as the UVM Victim's Advocate - advocate@uvm.edu or 656.7892. Here are some tips.

If your friend has been sexually assaulted or is experiencing relationship violence, you can expect them to be experiencing some combination of fear, anger, guilt, shame, mistrust, and disconnection. They may have experienced the fear of losing their life and as a result be afraid of everything around them. Your friend may be angry at the perpetrator but also angry at her or himself and at friends and family. Even if the survivor seems to know it is not their fault, they may experience shame and guilt. So much of our society tells them they are at least partially responsible. As most assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knows, they certainly may be feeling a lack of trust for those around them and the extreme stress, anxiety, loss of sleep and feeling as though they have lost control makes many survivors feel as though they are disconnected from normal life.

You can help your friend. You can help them focus on their strengths and provide a place for them to vent their emotions, even anger. You can help them understand that no one is responsible for being raped and that they have the right to feel a lack of trust for others. You can help them understand that it is normal to feel unstable under such difficult circumstances. Here's how you can help.

University of Vermont
Women's Center
34 South William's
Telephone: 802-656-7892
e-mail: women@uvm.edu

Directions

Refer them to an Advocacy Service
Advocacy services such as the UVM Victim's Advocate are the most complete resource for your friend at this difficult time. They can answer questions, provide a large number of options and be with your friend through medical and legal processes, not to mention the emotional recovery. These individuals are trained professionals who know what to expect. Most importantly, they are completely confidential and your friend will be left to make their own decisions. By referring to such a service, your friend can get the most complete care possible.

Additional Tips to Help Someone You Care About Who Is Experiencing Relationship Violence

Last modified September 20 2010 05:23 AM