Stupid Human Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

This page was created to answer your dumb human questions so that you stop pestering the General while he's napping.

1. How do you expect to pull off this crazy plan?

Humans continually doubt the General's plan. The reasons that the General's plan will go off successfully are many. However, they all boil down to one main reason: humans are flawed. These many imperfections have allowed the General to devise a fool-proof plan for taking over the world. Through years and years of field testing, the General has made the quite obvious discovery that humans cannot resist cute, fuzzy beings. Because of his moral superiority, strength, unending wit and wisdom, and his soft, pastel-orange fur, General Pumpkin is an irresistable target for the human cuddling impulse. General Pumpkin will use this impulse, combined with an army of his clones, to take advantage of the humans and destroy them.

2. What will happen to my home after The Plan is complete?

Here's a break down, region by region, of what will happen to your home town once The General and his army have completed the implementation of The Plan:

• Africa: Theme Park. The continent of Africa will be bulldozed to create a theme park based on safaris, poaching, and down-home family fun. In addition to carousels, water slides, and roller coasters, this theme park will have an endangered species poaching area*, a create-your-own genetic mutation lab, and a cruelty-to-animals enforced diamond mine.
• Antarctica: Penal colony. This will be like no other penal colony, however. Once you're air dropped down to Antarctica, stripped of all your possessions, you're free to leave and reenter society if you can make the trek back to civilization over freezing cold terrain and ocean. Good luck.
• Australia: Socialist commune. After the nuclear holocaust that Australia will erupt into, the entire continent will be resettled as a Socialist commune for any human that there so wishes to reside. You will have to live with your flawed system of government based on the philosophies of Marx, Lenin, and the other socialist greats, even after the government's eventual collapse and the famines that are sure to wipe through the nation. Any thoughts of forming a democracy will be quickly stifled by an overzealous goverment made up of extremist wackos, so you won't have to fear the loss of your moronic utopia. No human will be allowed to leave this society, so choose wisely.
• Canada: Parking Lot. Currently, there is never enough parking. But never fear, for the world of tomorrow is a wonderful world indeed! After successful completion and implementation of The Plan, Canada will be completely paved over with enough parking to satisfy the world. Are you handicapped? Well, if you haven't been executed, then you'll have plenty of handicapped parking in the former province of Alberta.
• Maine: Litter Box Landfill. Maine will become the landfill for all the world's litter boxes.
• Middle East: Nuclear Waste Dump. Since generations upon generations of humans cannot agree on who "owns" the "holy land," General Pumpkin has decided to enforce the Mother's Principle Section A.2.B: "If no one can share, no one can have it." Anyone failing to evacuate the Middle East will be executed and the area will be converted to a nuclear waste dump.
• North America (except Maine and Canada): The General's Headquarters and Palace. North America will be the main habitat for the new race, as well as the location for the Main Headquarters and the Palace of the General.

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