Round One:
The fight begins in the ruined underground laboratory where Janet was created, and also where Michael underwent his first bout of plastic surgery. It is a place haunted with sorrowful memories, and the two decide to get over their sorrows with bloodshed. Janet leaps into the fray on the offensive, fighting tooth and nail to destroy the creature that spawned her. Unfortunately, her all out offensive fails miserably against Michael Jackson's superior dance and choreography skills. Her blows fail to land as Michael pulls off a series of splits, flips, and of course the infamous moonwalk. Suddenly, Michael's faithful monkey companion Bubbles catches Janet by surprise by jumping onto her back and slashing her with a knife. Janet shrieks in pain, and the battle becomes a monkey knife fight as Jent tries to wrestle the blade from Bubbles' grasp. Finally, her face slashed up almost beyond repair, she manages to defeat Bubbles by swallowing him whole. I'm not sure how she manages this; I thought that only snakes could unhinge their jaws. But apparently I didn't reckon on the vast amounts of cosmetic surgery each of these comabatants has had. Janet spits out Bubbles' tail and turns to face her real opponent. Round One goes to Janet Jackson.
Round Two:
Janet turns to face her opponent once more only to find that Michael has used the time that Bubbles bought him to summon up a horde of zombies from his video "Thriller." Janet shrieks in terror as hordes of limber dancing zombies shuffle their way toward her. Frightened beyond rational thought (heh...like she has the capability for rational thought...), Janet goes into a purely feral mode of fighting, biting at groins, gouging eyes, and going for the jugular veins on the horde of zombies. Unfortunately, since zombies do not have the capability of feeling pain, all of her attacks are for nought. Just when it appears that the zombies are going to finish off Janet Jackson once and for all, Michael calls them off. The round finished with a bloodied and beaten Janet Jackson curled into the fetal position, with the King of Pop standing over her in his white suit from "Smooth Criminal." Michael smiles smugly, having proven to Janet that he is out of her league. Round Two goes to Michael Jackson.
Round Three:
Having been humilated thusfar by her "brother," Janet begins to break down and throw a tantrum. Michael waits patiently for her to come to her senses to that she can die like something roughly on par with the dog that she is. Finally, having exhausted all other venues, Janet resorts to the same strategy that has worked in her videos: she begins taking off her clothes. Michael stops her spontaneous disrobing with a series of punches and kicks, since even with his synthetic hormones he realizes that the sight of a naked Janet Jackson is really one of the most repulsive things that a man can be subjected to. Three axe kicks and a haymaker later and Michael has Janet on the brink of unconsciousness. He give a shout, grabs his groin, spins around, rips her heart out, and takes a bite of it before it is even done beating. The King of Pop wins again. Round Three and the match goes to Michael Jackson...the blood of his inferiors keeps him young.
Back to In This Corner
Back to Fights
Back to the Screamsheet