Round One:
Things get started when Superman catches Bruce Campbell hitting on LoisLane. He's got all the smooth lines, such as, "Give me some sugar, baby,"and he's quite the charmer, so Lois responds fairly well to hisflirtations. Superman, on the other hand, does not respond as well. Hemight be the Man of Steel, but his ego is not as impervious to harm. As aresult, he gets into Bruce Campbell's face, telling him to back off. BruceCampbell, on the other hand, is not exactly the type to be intimidated by aman in tights and a cape, refuses to back down. Witht hings getting moretense by the moment, Lois tries to intervene.

"Boys, there's no need to fight over me."

Superman turns to Lois for a moment. "Lois, stand back. This is menbusiness."

Alas, one of the problems with Superman being around since 1938 is that hedoes not adapt as well to modern movements such as women's rights. He alsodoes not realize the danger that he's in when Lois kicks him in the pills.Sure, Supes is invulnerable and all, but Hell hath no fury like a womankicking a man in the bean bag. Round One goes to Bruce Cambell.

Round Two:
After recovering from the agony of Lois' wrath and tossing his woman out of harm's way (read: making sure she lands somewhere where she won't be after him for a few hours), Superman joins the battle, going straight for a shot to Bruce Campbell's face. His might Kryptonian fist connects full force with Bruce's chin. With a crack as loud as thunder and capable of shattering an asteroid, the two superpowers meet. (The artist draws a nice squiggly, pointed shape in this panel to show that it was a really hard hit.) But, by the time the clash is over, Bruce Campbell is still standing, chin thrust out offensively while Superman clutches his hand in agony. Apparently not even the strongest man in the world can crack Campbell's massive chin, and it happens to be so large that it actually draws attacks to it. Superman winces in pain as Bruce reverts to the persona of Ash from the Evil Dead movies and whips out a chainsaw, closing in on his quarry. Round Two goes to Bruce Campbell.

Round Three:
Normally a chain saw wouldn't do anything to the invulnerable Superman, but since Supes' power is based on the psychological manifestation of how strong he thinks he is and since he has had his ass handed to him so many times on this page, he's feeling quite weak and vulnerable at the moment. No, I'm not kidding about the psychological element of Superman's strength. It was something brought into continuity by John Byrne, the man whose ego grows proportionately to how much his writing sucks. Yes, I am bitter since he shit on my favorite character, the Incredible Hulk, for seven months.

Anyway, Bruce moves in with the chainsaw.

There's a sudden pause as I as the narrator consider that perhaps I am being too harsh on Superman. He is after all the first super hero and an American icon...