Round One:
Mel Brooks and Mel Gibson go out drinking together one night. I don't know why; I don't even know if the two have ever met. But it suits the purposes of this fight, and therefore I'm going to stick to it. Since Mel Brooks is a sarcastic know it all and Mel Gibson is an opinionated loudmouth, it's only a matter of time until one of them says something to piss the other off. Of course, since they're both drinking, I'm not exactly sure what gets said. It involves a lot of slurred words. Or Mr. Brooks is just speaking in Yiddish, which is a language that sounds remarkably like a lot of slurred words to me (not that Dutch, Italian, Russian, or any language that isn't American English sounds different to my uncultured ear). Whatever insults get thrown around, the two will not stand for it and decide to fight things out. Alas, a drunken brawl is only really fun if there are a lot of people involved. Individual drunks don't have the proper coordination or temperment to get into a really good brawl. The end result of this battle is that the two stagger around for a while throwing poorly aimed punches. Then they pass out, and spend the night unconscious on a bar room floor. Round one is a draw, since nothing really happens.

Round Two:
Morning comes, and I throw a bucket of cold water across Mel and Mel to get the fight going again. The two combatants get to their feet, and Mel Brooks wonders why on earth he's fighting someone who is in much better shape than he is and who also happens to be 30 years younger. Mel Gibson, on the other hand, is really liking his odds. He hauls off and decks the elder Mel, and Mr. Brooks hits the floor. Round Two goes to Mel Gibson.

Round Three:
While things are looking bad for Mel Brooks, he has Mel Gibson exactly where he wants him...sort of. As a comedic character, Mel can take as much punishment as is dramatically appropriate, as long as he has some sort of funny thing to say with each blow. In this case, he's got hundreds of great quotes from his movies, plays, television shows, and comedy sketches, so he's set for quite a while of beating. Unfortunately, it still hurts.

As the fight wears on, Mel Gibson starts to tire. He's an actor, not Chuck Norris. As a result, he can only deliver so much whupass. That's when Mel Brooks pulls off the next phase of his plan. While Gibson is getting tired and is still distracted by Brooks' witty repartée in the face of a tremendous beating, Cary Elwes sneaks up behind him, dressed as the Dread Pirate Roberts from The Princess Bride:

He stabs Mel Gibson through the back with a rapier. Mel Gibson manages to yell out, "Inconceivable!" before he dies, and Cary helps Mel Brooks off the floor.

Okay, The Princess Bride isn't a Mel Brooks film. But it's still a fine and funny movie, and Cary Elwes did work with Brooks in Robin Hood: Men in Tights. And no matter what my circular reasoning, it doesn't change the fact that round three and the fight go to Mel Brooks.