Round One:
From the darkness of space he comes, hell bent on destruction of the Earth. He is Xenon the Destroyer, scourge of the universe. But he never reaches the Earth, for Christopher Walken flies into low orbit and devours his soul. Then, for some reason, he decides to go back in time to fight with Franklin Roosevelt.

The year is 1944, and the Allied Forces have just steamrolled through Berlin, bringing an end to the European portion of World War II. President Roosevelt is just finishing one of his famous "fireside chats" with the American people.

Edit: It was at this point that my friend Pat informed me how sloppy my history was. Turns out that the invasion of Berlin occured in 1945, months after FDR had died. At first my reaction was to just pretend that Christopher Walken's sheer evilness had re-written history. But, after many threats on my life and several ninja battles, Pat convinced me to add a few of his suggestions. So, rather than find certain death at the biting wit and Guatamalan mercenaries at Pat's disposal, I've decided to make a few changes to the fight...

Just as the broadcast ends, the door bursts open and in steps the President's secret service officers. They shuffle about aimlessly and groan like any person who has been in Washington for too long, but when one of them tries to eat his brain, alarm bells go off in his head. Thinking quickly, he grabs the nearest flamethrower (which anyone who is duly prepared for an attack of the living dead should have) and deals flaming death to his former bodyguards that have strangely been reanimated as zombies. The fiery death does its work and frees those poor souls from the clutches of the supernatural, but all is not well for FDR. As his flamethrower runs out of fluid, in steps Christopher Walken. FDR drops the now-useless weapon and finds himself petrified in terror as he looks at his fiendish foe. For the first time in his life, Franklin Roosevelt knows fear. Round One goes to Christopher Walken.

Round Two:
Thinking that victory is assured, Christopher Walken strolls calmly across the room and reaches out one claw-like hand to tear out FDR's heart. He plunges his hands into FDR's chest and devours the President's heart. Strangely, however, this fatal blow doesn't actually kill FDR. Roosevelt laughs bitterly and tears open his own chest, revealing that he has already died months ago. Through sheer willpower and a healthy dose of mad science, he's back to lead America. More accurately, he's back to feed upon the brains of the living.

Roosevelt grabs Walken's wrist in a vice-like grip. Although he is still trembling, FDR realizes that the true mark of a man is not ignoring fear, but overcoming it when it does grip you. He flings Walken through the air with his massive arm strength, knocking the demonic actor clear through the roof. Then, summoning all of his willpower, he levitates out of his chair and flies after his foe to finish the job. That's right, he flies. We're talking about a man (well, a reanimated corpse now) who could could hold himself up for hours on end in miserable weather to give a speech despite being crippled from childhood. I am absolutely sure that he can do pretty much anything he wants.

What follows is a fight that the history books just don't do justice. Indeed, some historians don't even mention the great aerial battle of '44 (which is actually the Great Aerial Battle of '45) anymore, and it's a terrible shame. With hundreds of thousands of onlookers watching in amazement from below, zombie FDR and Christopher Walken duke it out in the skies above Washington DC. Years later, the Wachowski brothers will do an homage to the battle in their film The Matrix Revolutions, but even Hugo Weaving's sheer coolness doesn't quite do the real battle justice. The two combatants seem evenly matched, but FDR finally gets the upper hand when he lands a haymaker across Christopher Walken's jaw and send him rocketing into space. The crowd below breathes a sigh of relief, but the battle isn't over yet... Round Two goes to Franklin Roosevelt.

Round Three:
Things may seem bad for Christopher Walken, but he still has one ace up his sleeve. He summons an atomic weapon from across the vortex of time and space and sends it hurdling towards the Earth just as he himself regains control of his flight and reenters the Earth's atmosphere. Although no one in the crowd knows what the bomb is, FDR has seen the infancy of the Manhattan Project and knows the danger that it poses to the people below. Flying toward the bomb with all of the speed that he can muster, the President moves to intercept the weapon. Then, when he is just underneath the bomb, he swallows it and lets it explode. The atom fire wells up in his gullet and he opens his mouth, releasing the explosion upwards directly at Christopher Walken. There is a flash of light, followed by an explosion that the world has never before seen, eventually followed by the black rain that marks the detonation of an atomic bomb. When the smoke clears, FDR flies back to his wheelchair for a break. Christopher Walken is nowhere to be seen, and most people assume that he died in the blast. After all, no one could survive something like that...could they? Round Three and the match go to Franklin Roosevelt...maybe.